Thoughts on Motivation

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Thoughts on Motivation

Post  Admin on Thu Jul 10, 2008 5:51 am

A few nights ago Shelley and I "hit a wall" which we hadn't expected to come across.

But it made me think about my Motivation for doing this.

Ever since I was a kid, I loved recording stuff on tapes, and I probably would have had more photos if
My parents had told me to go easy on what was then fairly expensive film.

Ahh if only we had digital cameras back then.

I have always been interested in media, I took media as a class at high-school and after leaving I tried
audio engineering classes, and then Mum found a school which taught all aspects of Radio, and I went there
for three years.

Then again, Mum found a radio station in Melton, Victoria "Thoroghbred Country" as a lot of horse studs were
up that way... which I joined and did two shows a week and some background work... making promos and
things like that.

So media has always facinated me.

And that's partly why I'm doing this.

The other is really more personal.

We all want something to remain after we're gone, something to prove that we lived and had minds of our own.
For many years I've thought about writing a novel, good or bad it would be nice to have a book out there with
my name on it... but I can't concentrate long enough to get something like that done, that takes real dedication.

I had been putting it off and I seriously don't think I'll ever really sit down and write it... and then a few years
ago, everything went really wrong... Benny died, then I was diagnosed with cancer, I didn't die, but I could have.
There was a lot of suffering... then I got better... only to see Mum pass away too.

I could not have got this far without her, she got me through two serious illnesses in my life, and I know there is
no way I could do it alone.

I am so very thankful that I can read, otherwise I would not have bothered with the internet, which has been my
saving grace, otherwise I would not have found my very good friends, Especially Marko, Joe and Lobo.

And finding Secondlife allowed me to try things that I would never have got to try in this lifetime, in a virtual sense
but still, those feelings are real, aren't they?

A documentary would fulfill my need to leave something of myself behind, so that later generations know who I was,
if they care enough to dig.

I have shared deeper thoughts with my friends than I could with my family, and I am surprised that I have spoken
so openly to Shelley... I have this very strange mix of being afraid and then this tearing down of walls thing which
leaves me feeling wonderful.

So much better than a relative, who knew me... but didn't fully, pass on their understanding of who I was.

Once this is done then I believe I'll feel satisfied, it's a life-experience which I can feel that I completed.
It's not about proving anything to anyone else, it's just something I need to do for me.

I did say I was afraid, and I am... not from the documentary, but by how others who see the film may judge us.

The thought that I may be sitting here and have a rock hurled through my window has crossed my mind many
times, but if I can go on what has happened within Secondlife, then I shouldhave very little to worry about.
but there are many small minded folk about, just the same.

But perhaps I just need to stand up for myself, it's my life afterall, not theirs... and I have a right to be who I am,
not bow down to what they want me to be, because they are to scared to be themselves too.

My life could have ended in 2005, but it didn't, so now everyday belongs to me.


Posts : 101
Join date : 2008-04-30
Age : 53
Location : Melbourne, Australia

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